Saturday, December 28, 2013

Karoo Stone Age Axe Kills Again After 500 000 Years

A week ago I spared a rat's life because it was christmas - okay it escaped through the window - but it was christmas. Last night I entered my room, and a rapid movement made me realize I had left my window open and Miss Rodent had entered into my castle. I leaped forward to close the window narrowly cutting off his escape. I then spent five minutes with my software developer chad, hunting him around the bedroom. After several failed attempts to hit him with the axe, and step on him, Chad finally spotted the sessile tail lying behind the corner of the desk. I grabbed it with my fingers and hauled out the hapless lass.

Far from being a cold-blooded killer, I detest killing, but it had to be done. She had eaten a gift box of Dairy Milk chocolates, and the Acheulean Axe clasped between my fingers was baying for blood once again. I held Miss Rodent close to the ground and struck - crying out in a gutteral, primal, cry: once... twice... thrice I struck its head with the Acheulean Axe. Only on the fourth time did it finally roll over and succumb. I dealt the coup de grĂ¢ce, and dislocated its neck, using the edge of the axe to pop its head, and through the twitching corpse of Miss Rodent to our dog Jenny, who happily trotted off with him.

I felt neither elated nor sad. It had to be done. My home is my castle, and I will protect it from intruders. This was the first mammal I have killed with my hands, and may or may not be my last. You may criticize me about killing an animal, but if you eat - if you live in a home - then you too are a murderer. The only difference being that this time I was the direct vector of death.

Every plot of land that is carved up for either housing or food once upon a time had plants growing upon it. These plants had an entire ecosystem of insects including mammals thriving upon it. These were not simply displaced. Every human on this planet has a significant footprint. I am a killer. You are a killer. Your angelic children are killers. We are all murderers. The only question is what do you do to offset and minimize your impact on this planet??

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